Are you collecting Pokemons or connecting with people?
"Who are you eating lunches with? Useless people like me or are you networking?” - a fellow intern asked me 7 years ago in our office canteen during our internship abroad.
I sat there speechless, chewing on my salad, as he continued telling me about him scheduling at least one coffee/lunch date a week pitching himself to people up there, as there is no other way to "make it” in corporate.
(In case you're wondering - neither of us "made it” to a full time position in that company).
This was my introduction to networking and for years I considered it a sleazy transactional activity that I'm never gonna do.
Fast forward to year 2024 and I find his point of view true to an extent.
I do not accept categorising people as useful and useless - pardon my French, but wtf?
I do however believe that great opportunities don't come through some magic vessels.
They come through people.
But if nobody knows that we exist, like us, trust us and know what we would like to do and what are we good at - then how the heck should they find us?
It reminds me of girls complaining they're single, claiming there are no good men out there, while never leaving the house and refusing to install dating apps.
My relationship to networking has evolved in the past years of running my business - from a dreaded task to a fun & crucial part of my life. It led to work projects, introductions to decision makers I wouldn't have met otherwise, friendships and even blind dates :)
I believe it can do the same for you, so let me share my journey to take the ick out of networking.
First of all - I asked myself, what makes this entire idea of networking sleazy?
To me: the transactional character, the divide between useful and useless people, the one upping, the treating people like ATMs on legs.
Ugh.
I often see this kind of advice on LinkedIn:
It's a numbers game, so:
- Add as many relevant people to your network as you can. Use AI tools to automate the connection sendout & commenting process.
- Introduce yourself to as many people as you can during the event, even if it's just a 30 sec exchange of contact details.
Let me tell you, I played this game for a few months because I trusted internet 'gurus' more than myself and it freaking sucked.
I set myself weekly connection quotas and started sending requests to my 2nd and 3rd level connections, catching them like Pokemons.
I've exchanged contacts with as many people as possible on industry events, even though the vibes were off and I knew I don't want to work with them either way.
Yet every time I hit my "connection milestone" it felt like a hollow victory.
The irony of my "connection milestones" was that in fact, they involved no actual connection. Because to make a meaningful connection you need to be curious about getting to know someone without looking at them like they're an ATM on legs.
I know some people operate like that and achieved financial success.
But to me building actual meaningful relationships is one of my core life values. (for the few HD girlies out there, is it a surprise that I'm a 4/6?)
To me a successful business/career is not only about meeting my financial goals, but about HOW I achieve them - with integrity to my values and having some fun along the way. Even if 'getting there' takes me longer.
Luckily, I realised quite quickly how out of integrity I was acting and changed my approach.
I asked myself, how can I expand my network in a way that feels genuine, honest and in line with my slightly introverted energy?
I figured out that I thrive in 1:1 and smaller group settings and feel completely drained at huge events.
I prefer longer conversations than an elevator pitch.
I like combining meeting new people with some form of workshop or hobby - eg. I run a book club and join other people's clubs as well.
I made it a habit to meet new people or reconnect with old colleagues every month - either via virtual coffees, LinkedIn or in real life meetups, lunch or co-working dates and networking events.
When I find an interesting event or organise one myself, I think of who else might benefit from joining - and share the invite.
Because of that, I can only schedule up to a few catch ups a month.
It's not a scalable strategy, but these chats are usually the highlights of my month! Sometimes we don't talk about our projects at all and other times we exchange our experiences and ask for introductions or other small favours.
It's intentional, but not transactional.
And guess what?
Often, they actually do lead to referrals or access to new cool opportunities :)
What's your approach to networking? Can you think of a way to connect with others that feels genuine to you? Let me know!
INSPIRATIONS
✨ I've been a fan of Elizabeth Day's podcast "How to Fail" for a few years by now. I've recently caught up on an old episode from Jan 2022 with Brene Brown, which I absolutely loved.
One of the key messages that resonated with me were about
" (...) developing a love for the feeling of mastery over success (...)" and the concept of quiet consistency over intensity.
✨ Another great podcast that I recommend is a "How I write" episode with Jason Fried - if you're in the same professional bubble as me you probably heard of his books like "Rework" and his unique approach to building a business. A good reminder that writing is, in essence, about people communicating with people, and not content creation with no personality.
✨ It took me only 2 years to finally go to Berlin's Philharmonie to listen to the Wednesday lunch concert. It's free of charge, the performance is about 40-50 minutes long and it's such a beautiful way to recharge during the day. If you work remotely or your office is next to Potsdamer Platz, you can easily make it a nice lunch break, nourishing the body and soul 🎶
✨ Some of you joined my training in July, called Focused and in your lane. 4 steps to regain more calm & control over your work calendar. (name inspired by this meme). If you want to use the end of year to audit your current productivity habits - you can access the session replay here.